Los Angeles—In attempts to preserve the youthful whine and diminutive physique of the floppy-headed teen icon Justin Bieber, fans are now protesting his puberty. Bieber’s security staff has, to say the least, been quite busy, since the teen star’s voice began cracking, trying to prevent extreme efforts made by fans desperately trying to stop Bieber’s maturation.
“Once, Justin hits puberty, who knows what’s going to happen? A girlfriend? Sex? No, I won’t let it happen. His v-card belongs to me,” said a vehement 13-year old Jessica Wheeler at the daily picketing in front of Bieber’s home. According to his agent, because Bieber has on countless occasions been slipped hormones and other puberty suppressants drugs, he has hired an actual food-tester to screen his McDonald Happy-Meals, which he eats three times a week so he can collect the toys.
His personal food-tester is said to have grown ample breasts, while his voice continues to advance closer towards James Blunt’s falsetto. Rumors of menstruations have also been heard, although Bieber’s assistant claims he “fell and scraped his inner thigh.” The protesting has yet to taper and seems as though it won’t stop until Bieber’s puberty is finally quelled or until his penis retreats up inside him.
Tags: humor, justin bieber
Music
Film & TV
