Weekly Woe-han: Dina’s the Star!

It’s pretty tempting to blame Lindsay Lohan for all of her legal woes, but let’s be real. None of this would have happened if she didn’t have two greedy ass-hats for parents. The two ass-hats went on rival morning news shows, but Dina Lohan’s appearance on Today is the most notable.

The folks on Today really rock it when it comes to ass-hat behavior and Matt Lauer was the perfect candidate to take on everybody’s least favorite “momager”. Dina wasted no time relocating blame to everyone but she and Lindsay. She had mad praise for her daughter’s coping skills. Check out this gem:

“Lindsay was in with alleged murderers and she’s become friends with a lot of them. Lindsay rolled with the punches and she’s doing wonderfully.”

Excellent! Here I was thinking that Lindsay would have a hard time breaking into the cool kids club. I can just imagine Dina in an empty nester’s knitting circle. Suzie’s daughter got accepted to Brown for grad school. Mary’s daughter just got engaged. Dina’s daughter went to prison prom with Squeaky Fromme. A real winner.

At one point, Dina and Matt got in a heated exchange about how many times Lindsay had been to rehab. Dina claimed it was Lindsay’s second (the first having been in the summer of 2007) while Matt said she was up to four. She claimed that the exaggerated number was a result of intense media scrutiny and propaganda. You’d think she would realize that scrutiny encourages accuracy. Homegirl, your daughter is currently rocking her fourth stint in rehab. Unless you count the three stays in different rehabs in 2007 as one extended vacation you’ve got some serious math skill issues.

My previous stance of hoping for the worst for Lindsay still stands and Dina’s presence makes it so very likely. Dina indicated that Lindsay would be emerging from rehab sooner than expected. There’s nothing quite so sweet as a mother who wants her daughter to get as little help as possible where substance abuse and alcohol dependency are concerned. I just have high hopes that Dina will find her own fulfillment in life. The potential is written all over her face. So much so, that I smell a reboot of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise with Momma Lohan as Leatherface. Homegirl doesn’t even need a mask!