Lady GaGa (@ladygaga) has officially outpaced former Twitter king Ashton Kutcher (@aplusk) and the most recent Twitter queen Britney Spears (@britneyspears) to become the most followed person on Twitter. So what does this mean for the public?
This means that there is a sexual and geographical imbalance on the internet. The straightforward girly/slutty antics of America’s favorite Louisiana white trash sweetheart have fallen prey to the psychosexual rantings of glam queen of the Lower East Side. So rural frivolity gets curb-stomped by big city hedonism. Fucking blasphemy.
What this really means is that Lady GaGa has yet again paved the way for twelve-year-olds to elevate that creepy Canadian Justin Bieber to surpass her in the near future. Same shit happened on YouTube. Lady GaGa shot sparks from her bra, wore razor blade sunglasses, and was force-fed vodka from Russian prostitutes, but she was still overtaken by a little kid at a bowling alley who couldn’t even bust a move for his lady. Make no mistake. Bieber fever will prevail on Twitter. It’s not like twelve year olds can even express thoughts longer than 140 characters.
What this really means is that your wholesome family values are at risk. Have you ever noticed that the commie liberals are the only ones who’ve ever had a hold on this Twitter shit? Originally it was a duel between the commie liberal Hollywood star and the commie liberal news network. Now it’s always a showdown between the commie liberal Hollywood stars. Shit is mad intense, yo! Social media doesn’t stand a chance if we continue to ignore the hard work of our moose-hunting free-speech crusaders on the front lines of the war on American decency.
What this really means is that it was a slow fucking news week. Here’s to praying for a Speidi sex tape or a Naomi Campbell perjury charge. Either that or Jennifer Aniston continuing to exist. Yuck.
Tags: britney spears, Lady Gaga, twitter
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