Calista Flockhart, John Michael Higgins Signing Report

I love Los Angeles, there is no other place in the world where a person can be just hanging out, and suddenly see the Jonas Brothers walking by.  Sure they have 30 security guards following them, but there they are in the flesh!  I am standing in my infamous dark alley for one of my favorite character actors John Michael Higgins (A Mighty Wind, Yes Man) and Ms. Ally McBeal herself Calista Flockhart.  It is a nice warm day here in Los Angeles, but seeing as how the weather has been changing on a daily basis I doubt it will remain that way.

4:35 p.m. – I finally arrive and to my surprise there are a couple other people here.  I figured there might be some people for Calista but I wasn’t sure.  I was shocked at how many people were here for Alan Rickman, and ever since then I am usually surprised who turns up.

4:37 p.m. – Again, I’m shocked a couple of the guys are here for John Michael and not really for Calista.  I brought my A Mighty Wind concert poster for John Michael.  I already have Catherine O’Hara on it, so John Michael will be a nice addition.  I know this will be a challenging one to finish but that’s part of the fun isn’t it!  I also brought my George magazine from 1999 for Calista.

4:46 p.m. – There is a great bookstore that has a lot of older magazines that I frequent in situations like this.  I really wanted Calista on something from Ally McBeal but since that show isn’t on DVD yet (hello! We have like 15 seasons of Full House and not one of Ally McBeal!  Let’s get working on that!) I had to find something else cool to bring.

5:13 p.m. – Good lord, it was so nice and sunny and now… It’s like a cold front has come from the north to remind me of the frigid tundra of Canada.  That means it’s freakin’ cold!

5:33 p.m. – One of my friends just told me that the Jonas Brothers are supposed to be here for some advance taping for their new movie or something.  Only in Los Angeles can you be waiting for Calista Flockhart and get the Jonas Brothers to boot!

5:58 p.m. – I’m really hoping they will both stop on their way in so I don’t have to wait all night.  Sigh…

6:11 p.m. – There are tons of security guards around, I have really never seen this many here, I can only bet it’s for the Jonas Brothers.  So perhaps the rumors are true and they are around.

6:14 p.m. – I have to say I kind of feel… well… creepy.  I mean these are little kids and I’m a giant Canadian asking them to sign something.  I dunno… I just picture a sea of small children four apples high, and then me, all of 6’3 rushing to get an autograph.  Something just doesn’t feel right about that.  It would be like my mother liking New Kids on the Block back in the day, just wrong and against God’s plan.  Well, me liking NKOTB is wrong and against God’s plan you but you get the idea.

6:33 p.m. – And there the Jonai are.  There are really only about 12 of us here and not one little kid.  A couple people are yelling out for them, but I just can’t do it.. I can’t!  They just turned around and waved, they didn’t come over or anything.  Secretly, I’m kind of happy.

6:43 p.m. – “Next time on Mike Get’s Around The Jonas Brothers and the tall creepy people who stalk them!”

6:54 p.m. – Oh, the fence is opening… I really hope I can get JMH or CF coming in… Oh, It’s John Michael Higgins… He is looking over and waves.. DAMMIT!  We went inside… Grrrrrrrr…

6:59 p.m. – And there is Calista Flockhart… She is looking over and waves a couple times, but just keeps on going in.  Sigh… 0 for 2… well 0 for 5 if you count the Jonai…  Now there is at least an hour wait…

7:07 p.m. – I just thought of something… what if the screaming 13 year old girls get wind of the Jonai and start flooding the place… There is nothing more annoying then a 13 year old girl, and I mean that lovingly.  I have a sister who I love to death, we grew up together and she was 13 once… but really to love them you have to be related to them and that’s the God’s honest truth.  Oh why John Michael Higgins must you be here with the Jonai!  WHY… why?

7:14 p.m. – It’s so cold my nuts are the size of raisins… Seriously.

7:19 p.m. – Oh no.. they’re HERE!  The screaming 14 year olds.. it’s like they smell the Jonai.. and how/why are little kids out on Hollywood Blvd. on a Thursday night without their parents!  hello!  Are they in hooker training camp or something?

7:22 p.m. – The doors are opening.. and the Jonai are coming out… the girls go wild, only a half pun intended.  The Jonai keep going to their cars but stop.

7:23 p.m. – A security guard comes over and counts people off to go over and meet the Jonai.. my friend and I are the only ones not allowed to go.  Now, we are the only ones standing at the barricade.

7:24 p.m. – I was cool with them being here, and the kids and it’s nice that they are letting the little kids go over and such, but now I feel especially creepy for being here. I mean I wasn’t here for them but now that I’ve been rejected by the Jonai I feel even more slimy… If only Calista stopped on the way in… Why Calista…  Now I have to deal with my Jonai rejection for the rest of my life.. sigh…

7:33 p.m. – The Jonai are gone and there are a couple more people here with us now.  At least my level of creepdom has diminished, and that makes me happy except for the 13 year olds who are hanging around talking about how cute Nick is, and how Kevin is this or that… It is too cold for this shit young lady… I have very little patience for young girls when standing in the cold.

7:36 p.m. – I must say, I don’t have anything against kids, Dakota Fanning for instance is a great actress and has such great potential to last for a long time, but if Dakota was here she would pimp slap these bitches.. seriously!

7:39 p.m. – Security is pulling a car right up to the door.  Man, that means there isn’t a chance in hell that we will get Calista.  I asked one of the guards and he confirmed it was her car.  Did I mention about my nuts being the size of raisins?

7:44 p.m. – My camera battery is dying…. great!

7:48 p.m. – Oh, there’s John Michael Higgins… he is coming over to sign stuff!  Very cool.  The guy next to me gets him on a couple things, and I get him on my Mighty Wind poster.  He is very nice and chatting with people.  Pretty much anyone who wants one gets a pic including me!

7:50 p.m. – At least I got one, whoo hoo… Oh wait, here comes Calista… She is heading straight in the car, everyone is calling her over, and… wait, she’s actually coming over. Oh my God.  I’m shocked!  She is so nice… she could have easily just jumped into her car, but she is really is going out of her way to meet her fans.  I got her on my George magazine and her assistant or publicist mentioned she remembers that photo shoot.

I always like it when I have something a little out of the ordinary to get signed.  She is posing for pics with people, and pretty much signs something for everyone.  I am shocked at how cool she is.  It was worth standing in the freezing cold for three hours!  Now, on to a hot shower to thaw out!

Check out the full set of pics. Watch Mike’s video footage above.